Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
worst night to have a conscience
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
