beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
as a side note pls kill me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
