I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
