i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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