Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
