i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
