She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
