chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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