If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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