i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
there is glitter all over my balls
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