I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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