Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
