I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
