You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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