I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
