Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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