did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
