He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
