Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
