I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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