I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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