and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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