Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
