Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize