apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
