Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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