Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
