party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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