i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize