BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
