So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
