White coat. Heels.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
