Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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