Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
