So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
