New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
