Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
