i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
