If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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