Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize