why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
