It's just like the Real World with babies
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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