You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
