Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The power of my boobs compel you
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
