apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
