Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
