is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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