i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
