No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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