you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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