I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
