and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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