im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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