Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
