So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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