I cannot find my penis.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
