I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
