Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
