Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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