her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
