My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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