What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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