I wanna bring you to show and tell
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
