I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
