You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
