let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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