tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
