i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
