The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
