Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
