I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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