The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Randomize
