to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
