she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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