Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
