His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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